


Unannounced Visitor

by PeculiarAnomaly



Category: Legacy of Kain, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 05:22:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16340579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeculiarAnomaly/pseuds/PeculiarAnomaly
Summary: On a cold, wet, and dreary eve, Bilbo goes out to fetch some firewood. He acquires something else as well.





	Unannounced Visitor

Bilbo freezes. Paralyzed by fear he takes in the morbid horror that sits crouched in his woodshed.  
It’s glowing, white eyes and taloned hands. The sunken emptiness where it’s stomach should have been. A truly gruesome sight that no gentlefolk should expect to witness and come away alive.  
The hobbit does a double take. It’s nothing but skin and bones. It also is apparently lacking any clothes. The creature was clad in nothing save a tattered cloth, wrapped around the lower half of its face and shoulders. Bilbo can’t even begin to imagine what sort of horrible maw it might be hiding. Perhaps it extended down like a snakes. Unhinging a lipless, gaping hole filled with fangs.

‘Will I be eaten?’ he thinks. Surely so, for it must be starving from it’s appearance.

The wretched thing, however, makes no move towards him.  
There is no frantic lunge. No guttural growl or scathing hiss. No silent inevitable creeping. Just. Just the sound of the rain and occasional thunder. The dark grey of the sky fading into a truer shade of night as the sun set. Soon the only light available is the dim glow of the creatures eyes.

“You are letting the rain in.”

Is it still counted as a double take if you do it thrice? Bilbo’s mouth moves, but the only sound he makes is the clicking of his jaw coming unclenched. Surely he hadn’t heard correctly.The creature had just spoken! Not a hiss or growl! Not a unearthly rasp! A voice! A perfectly cultured, pleasant voice! It wasn’t even using it to threaten him! No, It was telling him to shut the door, like any other soul might if they were squatting in ones woodshed.

The creature, who is beginning to look a bit less evil and a bit more annoyed, reaches over and picks up several logs. Holding them out for Bilbo. When the gentle hobbit fails to take them, the creature pushes them into Bilbo’s chest.

Bilbo still can’t make himself respond.

The trespasser seems to be losing his patience or perhaps is just thinking him a bit simple. It takes the hobbit’s arms and wraps them around the wood.

“There. You have what you presumably came for. Now let me be. I loathe being soaked and I loathe being gawked at. I am well aware of the abhorrence that is my form.”

This time when Bilbo manages to move his mouth he also manages words as well.

“I- Ah- Clothes!” He finally stutters out.

White eyes as round and bright as the moon slowly blink at him. Its head tilts like a curious cat.  
“Clothes?” It intones back at him. 

‘Clothes’ Is most certainly not what the gentle hobbit meant to say. He didn’t know what he was meant to say! What was he supposed to say!? But now that it was out Bilbo seized the idea.

“Yes! Clothes! Where-where are yours?” The hobbit nervously adjusted the logs in his arms. Rapidly trying to regain some form of civilized bearing. He cleared his throat, “I-I say! you can’t be hiding in my woodshed without clothes! It isn’t proper.” Bilbo’s voice cracked and wavered somewhat, but with each word he felt more convicted of them.  
There is yet another considering blink from the dark creature.

“I have no clothes.” It responds slowly.

“None at all?” He then promptly thinks himself rather foolish. After all if the creature had clothes, surely it would be wearing them on such a cold and dreary night.

“I have this.” It holds out the end of the tattered wrap around it’s shoulders.

Bilbo fells something other than fear then. Something other than fear for this haggard thing seeking shelter. It seemed. Tired. Worn and frayed in a way that one living in the quiet shelter of the Shire couldn’t possibly comprehend.

...It really was just skin and bones...

The gentle hobbit cleared his throat and straightened himself.

“Well that simply won’t do. You’ll- You’ll have to come inside the house proper. I’m sure we can find something. It is far to cold and damp to be without.”  
The look of utter disbelief on the strangers face cinches Bilbo’s feelings on the matter, and quells the last of his doubts. He manages a smile.  
“Besides, I was just about to put on some tea. Such thing are much better with company. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Bilbo was always rather fond of having visitors.

Even the unannounced sort.

Raziel: “You know I can’t eat, right?”  
Bilbo: *Crying whilst shoveling cake onto a plate for the wraith  
Raziel: “...I have no jaw...”  
Bilbo: *Cries harder


End file.
